Yesterday was National Pancake Day at IHOP. God, I need H E L P!! I love the pancakes there and they were free (I donated money to the Children's Hospital for the payment). Thank goodness it was only one short stack per customer that was free.
My friend Danielle and I decided to meet there for lunch and hang out. I started out really well, I had a glass of water with lemon, then my mind did it's gluttony thing saying I should also get a sandwich. After all, a short stack of pancakes? Please! Who would ever get full on that?
I don't know when I decided that the feeling of being overly full was when I was supposed to stop eating; my problem, I don't seem to have the little voice that tells me that I am full. I surely wasn't that way when I was younger. I knew when to stop, when I felt satisfied. When did the taste of the food make me decide it was okay to over indulge? As my clothes got bigger, why didn't that set off any alarms? Hey, WHOA wait a minute Betsy, take a serious look at what you are doing to yourself.
After losing everything in our year of sadness, my mom, dad, friend, business, in-laws, dog, job and home, I figured it was just easier to eat my sadness away.
Oh, I did not just let sadness be my guide to the land of gluttony; loneliness, despair, emptiness... I thought they were great tour guides, and I followed them eagerly.
I had such a wonderful little affair with Dove Promises! After all, they have promises inside the wrapper and they NEEDED me. Those promises were written just for me. Some one in that beautiful candy factory had knowledge of me and the pain and heartache I was trying to live with. They were trying to help me, it was a sweet gesture, how could I dare disappoint them. I had to eat the whole bag and see what they were trying to tell me. Could I just have a serving of them and be satisfied? Oh, sure! I didn't care what a serving size was, I thought it was the entire bag!
Hmmm, I just may be an emotional eater. Ya think? For every emotion, I needed to deal with it by eating food. High calories, high fat, anything as long as it was rich and dreamy. I found my drug to help me heal. FOOD.
Food became my God. Well, you can't quit food, you have to survive, you have to eat. We are taught early on in life, celebrate with food, and holidays were always my favorite because it was like having a free pass to eat whatever and all day long.
Well, not this time, I will make certain that I become healthy. I can do this! I will do this.
When my daughter got out of work, guess where we were going to stop with some friends for supper. IHOP! Yup, not once, but twice in one day! This time I was smart. I spent almost all my weekly extra points in one meal! The old me would say, screw it, and pig out on more pancakes. After all, who do I need to look good for? Who? ME!!! That's who!
The moment of truth comes, here comes the waitress, everyone ordered, free pancakes please with a side of...I can feel the excitement building, my turn to order, my mouth opened and I said may I have the pancakes please and a fruit cup. After all, the fruit cup will be 0 points. Who cares if I eat more pancakes. Pancakes, butter and syrup.Warm syrup, slowly drizzling over the top and sides of three perfectly cooked hot pancakes. Oh, the thought of them going into my mouth and savoring the taste...who am I fooling, I would eat them too quickly to savor anything!
The food came. Yummmm oh the ball of butter was huge and I could just taste that delushious combination of melted butter and warm syrup, gliding over my tongue and ... I gave my pancakes away!! I did it! I DID IT!!!! I was faced with temptation and choice correctly to keep me on track.
I happily ate my fruit cup and felt satisfied. No, I felt empowered! I was faced with feeding my low self esteem but, overcame the hurdle. I not only faced the hurdle head on, I leaped right over it!!
Thank you Weight Watchers for this new plan and thank you to my daughter, who decided enough was enough. We are making this healthy journey of weight loss together and finding inner strength where we thought we had none. Like all adventures, I'm sure there will be some bumps in the road, but, we have each other to pull each other out of any tight spots. Plus, I am taking you all along for the ride!