It is just one of those days, I am all melancholy today for the most part. There is so much to do around the house and outside, but, I just can't get moving. The sun is shining and then it starts raining,it even rained with the sun shining!
I always feel better when I am baking, but, it is way too hot in the kitchen today, so, I decided to try baking bread in the crock pot. My crock pot is oval in shape and the loaf pan just won't fit in there, so, I am going to make the bread in ramekins then they will be like mini loafs, if it works...I will update tonight and let you know what kind of success I had. I am doing just a simple Amish bread that doesn't require a lot of ingredients. If this is a success,I am going to try a flavored bread like cranberry nut bread. I use my mom's recipe that tastes amazing!
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her, my dad, and my husband. Most days, I can smile at the memories that they have left me, but, not today. I keep praying, but, today, even my praying is a struggle. I mostly just talk to God, I don't have any set prayers really. But, today, I am extra quiet.
Even my dogs must sense my pensive state, since they are pretty lazy today too. Of course, they still follow me from room to room, but they quickly lay down instead of jumping all around excited.
Even 'Pandora' is against me getting out of this funk today! There are way too many sad songs out there. I usually try not to listen to the sad ones because, well because, it takes so much energy to be so sad! It makes me want to sleep all day. In dreams I am whole again and my heart doesn't ache for my husband's arms to wrap around me. I don't wish for his lips to gently touch my ear when he whispered ' As you Wish' ( we were huge fans of the Princess Bride ) I don't yearn for the sound of his voice and the crooked little smile with those giant dimples. Ahhh those giant dimples! I don't miss his playful personality and the way he could always make me laugh. I don't miss my best friend at all.
That is because when I dream, he is with me and I am whole.