Today is my husband's birthday. I wish I had some words of wisdom to share, I don't, not today. So, I will just share with you, my darling schmoozers, what is in my heart.
I know that there are so many people who are missing someone whom they love with all their hearts. When you are touched by such a strong almost perfect love, it is difficult to move forward.
It could be that special pet even, or a parent, sibling, spouse, child, or friend.
It could be that they have passed away, or moved, or you had a disagreement and no longer speak to each other.
No matter what the reason, you need to grieve. Don't ever let anyone play down your feelings. It is okay to have these feelings! They are yours. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel. There isn't a set time to stop grieving. But, it is okay to move forward. It doesn't mean that your love is diminishing. It doesn't mean that you still won't hurt or search for answers.
Try to be thankful of the love that was so strong, that even death can't stop it. But, try not to be afraid to live again. To smile and laugh and cherish the memories, no matter how short or how many years those memories span.
There are mommies and daddies out there who have lost their babies, some before they even could hold them. Or children that have died from terrible diseases or accidental deaths. I can not explain the reasoning nor would I even try. My only advice is to try and believe.
I believe. I believe that my husband was a gift to me. He was a wonderful man who loved my daughter as his own. He was fun and full of life, always joking around and making people laugh and feel at ease. He was my hero, my best friend, my Peter Pan, Jack, Westley, and the Dr, all rolled up into one man.
He was a hard man to lose.
I believe that when it is my time to go, God is sending my husband to come and get me. So, when Gilly comes for me, I want to have adventures to tell him all about. Which means, that I have to go and have adventures!
When Gilly first became an angel, my grief was overwhelming. Sometimes, it still is. I still have days where it hurts to even breathe, I am sure you do too or, you know of someone that is hurting that deeply.
It is as if, you are sitting on a bench, right on the very edge of it, and grief is wrapped tightly around you, squeezing the very life right out of you. Then, one day, a bird may sing, you hear it's beautiful song and grief's grip loosens a little. One day, you may see a butterfly and be awed by it's beauty and again, grief's grip loosens even more. Little things will slowly come back to you, making grief slide down the bench, but, if you are at all like me, grief will never leave you. But, grief will slide down the bench and hope will come sit beside you and give you a gentle hug. Slowly, grief will sit on the edge of the bench and Joy will come and join hope. Slowly you will be able to breathe a bit easier. Please allow it to happen. Embrace them and welcome them back into your life. Maybe then, you can help someone else that is hurting.
As for me, I hate it when people say "It'll get better." It hasn't gotten any better, it just gets different.
My grief has a strong hold, but, now hope and joy plop themselves on each side of me and stay longer and longer each time.
Letting go of the heartache doesn't mean, that you are letting go of the love. Nothing can stop true love!
God Bless you my fellow schmoozers. When you feel you have no where else to turn, say a prayer, you may be surprised who hears it!
"Death Can Not Stop True Love,
It Can Only Delay It For A While!"
Westley, the Princess Bride
Happy Birthday My darling Angel! As You Wish
