Bright Sunshine ~ Great Breezes ~ Hopeful Wishes

I love dandelions. When the fields are full of the beautiful yellow blossoms, it just looks so pretty against the green grass, then they transform into beautiful white balls of fluff. Each of the little seeds with their own little tuft of white represent a wish. A field full of wishes! How wonderful is that? Because of all the rain we've had and the lack of owning a lawn mower, my grass has grown. Grown, is an understatement, most of the grass is up past my hips and the milkweeds are breast high. I am almost 5'3 so, that is still very tall for grass and weeds! Being unemployed, my daughter and I are living paycheck to paycheck, so, it is very difficult sometimes to decide what to spend the money on. We try to save a tiny bit in case of really needing something, like a lawn mower, but other things happen and we seem to just always be struggling. That alone can get depressing, never mind adding that to my PTSD. I went to freecycle.com to see if perhaps anyone had a reel mower they were giving away, no luck. I also asked my sister if I could borrow their lawn mower, but, it is not running. So, Leah and I sucked it up and went shopping. We found a reel mower at home depot, they had some really nice ones but, we had to go for the least expensive, so that we also had enough money for the groceries and gas that we need for the week. Leah used her skills and assembled it, and was the first to try it out. She really liked it. I was hopeful. I watched her for a little bit, getting anxious to try it. Oh my, I LOVE it! It reminds me of the one my dad used when I was a really little girl. His was red. Or, maybe it was my Grammy's because, it was her yard that I remember him mowing. We have now been mowing for a few hours every day and almost have the front yard done. By the time I make it to the back yard, I will have to make sure to do the front again. It really is great exercise. I love the sound the mower makes and the smell of the freshly cut grass. There isn't the scent of gasoline in the air, just the fresh scent of the grass. I put on my music, mostly listening to the Foo Fighters for music to mow to. Leah and I have such great plans for the yard once it is all finished and I finally get a job! We want to build a patio so that we can sit outside and have some gatherings. We want to have an old fashioned tea party. A fun dress the part party. With little finger sandwiches, like cucumber and tomato. Petite little treats that I can bake up and little breads. Big floppy hats and soft pastel clothes that flow when the breeze comes up. Oh and of course, all kinds of teas in different flavors, from southern sweet tea to hot teas. Yes, that is our wish... So, I am off to go pluck one of those big puffballs full of wishes and I'm going to close my eyes, make a wish, take a deep breath and blow...hopefully one of the wishes will grab a great breeze and make it to the spot where wishes and dreams go waiting to come true. And, if I am really lucky, maybe it will land somewhere for Dave Grohl to pick up and he and the boys will come and play for us! Have a wonderful day, and one of my wishes today is for one of yours to come true!

Little Secrets

Have you ever wondered if you actually did something in your life time that actually really and truly meant something? You know, something that without you in their life, it would have made a huge difference? I have felt like a bad person for such a longtime. I never truly thought of the good I did, only how what I had done had hurt so many people. Mostly myself. To explain myself, I have to go back many years. All the way back to high school. Junior year. My boyfriend that I had been seeing since freshman year and I broke up. It was a huge breakup, not in the sense of we were mean to each other, it just crushed the both of us at the time. A girl, pretending to be my friend was the reason, one of her friends had a crush on my boyfriend and she ... oh well, it doesn't matter. Even the teachers talked of our break up. But, then along came Chucky. Oh yeah, he was the "bad" boy and I thought yeah, I am going to pursue this. We had been friends for awhile and he used to come and sit with my group of friends to watch all the basketball games. He used to make me laugh a lot. My teen-aged crushed heart fell hard and fast for him with his tough exterior and his long thick blonde hair! I was smitten! (okay, SMITTEN...what the hell??? where did that word come from? Shit, I guess I may be getting old after all! Gees SMITTEN!) (big sigh) Anyway, we dated for a while, he came from a troubled family. I came from a great one, he spent as much time with me as he possibly could. I was the bright spot in his life. The place that he could feel safe and loved. He was one of the ones that I hurt! I know, we were only kids, but, I still carry the pain. We spent every waking moment together. I found myself pregnant. 16 years old and pregnant. I continued to go to the same high school. My friends were very supportive, however, their parents were not. It was if I had something contagious. When I told my parents, my mom got mad, but, I made my dad cry! I hurt my dad! Not something that is easy to live with. I immediately put the blame on Chucky! It was ALL his fault that I hurt my parents! I just walked away from him and wouldn't even speak to him. It was easier for my mind to blame him so that I could live with myself. All he wanted to do was love me, I wanted no part of it! He turned to drugs, I turned to staying home. He was sent away and I felt relief. Relief? Dear Lord, forgive me! I decided that the best thing to do for the baby was to give it up for adoption. My wonderful parents supported me in any decision that I was going to make. This was 1975, teenage pregnancy was not common. It wasn't the baby's fault I was this way. All my friends thought that once I saw the baby there would be no way to give the baby away. You couldn't pick the parents back then, so I went through Catholic Charities. My mom took me to all of my appointments and we became very close. She told me stories of how this happened even in her day and things were covered up big time back then. She would also tell me how my dad would still cry at night, but, it was good that he was letting it out and not holding it in. I know she didn't realize just how much that teared me apart. She was a very kind hearted woman and would never purposely hurt anyone. I felt so ashamed. The day came April 3rd 1976. I delivered a healthy baby. I had told the doctors to take the baby immediately out of the delivery room because I didn't want to know or see what I had. I thought if I didn't look, it wouldn't hurt. I delivered at the hospital on the base, that way, no one except my family could come to see me. My mom asked me if she could go see the baby and I told her it was okay. I decided to take a walk and see my baby after all. I needed to know if I was doing the right thing for the baby. I walked down to the nursery and saw this beautiful baby boy! I asked the nurse if I could come in and hold him. He was perfect! So small and sweet. Even holding him I knew, I was too young to be a mom. What kind of life could I ever give him? Love was just not enough! I held him every day, memorizing his little face. I wanted to make sure that I could remember him if I ever saw him again. I figured that he would contact me when he turned 18. Everything was secretive back then and I wasn't allowed to know who adopted him. Maybe they thought that I would try and steal him?

I was okay those years until he turned 18. I used to pray every night that he was in a good home with a family that truly loved him, one that would read to him and when he fell down they would pick him up and kiss his boo boo's. I prayed that he would know so much love and have laughter every day. Mostly I prayed that he would look for me and not hate me. I prayed that I could give my parents their grandchild back.

As the years went on, it got harder and harder. My heart ached to know if he was okay. I had so much shame and guilt. I used to pray that if I ran into anyone from school that they would never ask about my dirty little secret. Because I didn't like myself, I ended up getting married to a cruel man. He made certain to let me know just how lucky I was that he loved me because no one else ever could. He'd get drunk, I'd get hurt. I lied about the bruises to my family and friends. He even broke my nose and threw me down the stairs while I was pregnant with my daughter. But, that is another story that I may tell sometime. I got smart and left him when my daughter was 2 and never looked back. When his 18th birthday came and went I was a wreck but then figured maybe since we went to Catholic Charities, he had to wait until he was 21 to look for me. You may be wondering why I hadn't searched for him. In my mind I just couldn't. I made the decision to give him up, so, in my heart I thought it should be his decision if he wanted to find me. Every time I would see a person be reunited with their birth parent on TV, I ached so badly. My sister Chrissy, always made sure that I was alright when his birthday came along. She was the only one other than Gilly and my daughter that knew how badly I was aching. I tried to hide it, but, I would just get unreachable when his birthday came. His 21st birthday came and went...still nothing. I still carried the shame and prayed no one would find out what a bad person I was. Even my brothers and sisters didn't share my secret with their children, or so I thought. One day while attending Italian class with my friend Betsy, we went by Elizabeta Uno and Elizabeta Due. I got a phone call from my niece Tiffany, but, decided to call her after class. While I was on break, my daughter called me. She told me that Tiffany may have found him! Panic ran through me. When I hung up Betsy had to be told what was happening. As I told her, I thought for sure I would lose my friend. She didn't even bat an eye! She was excited for me. Chrissy had told her children because she hurt so badly for me and every year, Tiffany would search the computer to see if anyone was looking. Then in 2004, she came to a search that she felt just might be him. She wasn't sure why she felt so strongly about this but, she sent him off a note asking him questions and saying that she may be able to help him. My daughter also wrote to him and so, I figured as frightened as I was, I would write to him also. He lived in Ma. and the adoption records were sealed. We had to wait until 2005 for them to be opened. My dad was going to pay for us to have a DNA test done so we wouldn't have to wait. I sat glued to my computer waiting for a note from him. I was beyond obsessed. My husband Gilly said this is just ridiculous, he picked up the phone and called Catholic Charities and told them that he has two people that think they belong to each other and what can he do to get them together? Wow, DUH! why hadn't any of us thought to do that?? When the case worker called me, she said that she had forms we had to fill out and mail back to her with our permission. She asked me why I had waited so long, I explained everything and my prayers, by the end of the conversation, we were both crying. His name is Evan, and we didn't want to wait, we faxed the permission over. I found out at work the next day with my friends by my side...This man was my SON! I cried and they bought me balloons and flowers and a card that said Congratulations, It's a Boy!!! My dirty little secret was out and it wasn't dirty after all. How could something filled with so much love ever be dirty? I had even been too ashamed to tell my best friend Maryann about my secret; until one day, while we were working together, she told me that her son was thinking about trying to find his birth mom. She looked at me and said, just what kind of person could ever do that? That is when I told her. She hugged me so tightly and told me that I made her feel so much better. She loved me so much and never knew the "other side" of adoption. She hoped that her son came from someone like me. I was thankful to see her side of adoption and the joy it brought to her. She is such a wonderful person. She had given me hope that my son had a great life too. On October 12 2004, my darling husband, for our wedding anniversary, gave me my son! It was so wonderful, we laughed and cried and hugged. Leah met her big brother and Evan met his little sister. There was no mistaking that they were brother and sister, they both had the Beane genes! We took pictures and talked for hours. but mostly, we laughed! It was great beyond words. We immediately made plans to have him meet my parents, and anyone else that wanted to come. It was a day so full of love as I watched my dad cry while meeting his grandson. Finally! At least these were tears of joy. My dad was so over joyed that he told Evan as he was hugging him that he had waited for this moment all his life! My mom just kept giggling and saying she was tickled pink. I brought my son back to them. Thank you God!

I know, you think that should have healed me... it did. I felt great! And then it hit me. Hit me like a bug hitting a windshield of a car going 60 miles per hour. If I had hurt this badly all these years? What about Chucky? Oh my God, what had I done to that poor man? He hadn't ever seen his son.

So, with my husband's blessing I started searching. I just had to find him and apologize for the hurt that I had caused him. I had to let him know that our son was a great man! He has wonderful parents that gave him everything that we could not. When I found Chucky, it was through email and fearfully I wrote to him. I apologized for everything and this kind hearted man that had such a rough life, forgave me. He told me it was all okay and that there was no need to have to be sorry. My son had asked me if I would consent to meeting his parents...without hesitation, I said oh yes, I want to thank them. He said, Oh no Betsy, they want to thank you!

All those years of pain vanished in that one little comment. They wanted to thank me?? Yes, I gave them my son to be theirs. From all that hurt I caused what mattered the most was, I blessed some one else's life by letting them become parents.

I miss you! Happy Birthday Dad

That's my dad! Oh my how he loved oysters! One of my dad's favorite things to say while eating these was "I don't believe they are an aphrodisiac because I ate a dozen and only 6 worked!" — I am trying to put on a brave face today and enjoy the sunshine and birds singing. Today is my dad Arthur Beane's birthday and I miss him so much! He came to see me in my dreams last night. I know how lucky I am to have that ability. To see the ones I love in my dreams. I had even made him a cake! I loved baking him birthday cakes! I always came up with new ideas to make for him. He always got a kick out of my cakes! I miss hearing him say "I love you very very much!" I miss teasing him! I miss his jokes. I miss taking him to his doctor appointments. It will be 5 years in November, since he joined my mom and husband. He died only 10 days after my husband and I never cried.I knew he was finally happy again. He suffered so much from the loss of my mom. But, today, I can't seem to stop crying. I know that my entire family feels the same! What a great man my dad was. A war hero, who wanted to be a pilot in the worst way for the Marines, but, after the war he left the Marines to be a police officer in Wakefield, Ma. He soon found out that he couldn't afford four children and his gorgeous bride on the policeman's salary, so he tried to go back into the Marines. They were going to dock him a stripe, which would also make it too difficult to raise his family, so he went into the Air Force. Two weeks into Air Force boot camp, he got a letter from the Marines saying they would take him back and put him in his flight program. Nothing doing (as he would say, he was a man of his word and he gave his word to the Air Force. My parents ended up with seven of us children. They suffered many heart aches in their 62 years of marriage. They lost three babies, survived breast cancer, my dad being hit by a truck, a fire, survived bladder cancer, heart attacks, a stroke... the list goes on. Each thing just made their love stronger. I knew he wouldn't live more than six months after my mom passed. All my friends and our neighborhood loved him. We had a great neighborhood in which we were all like family! I keep in contact with most of them even today. We each have suffered the loss of at least one of our parents. And the parents, all lost a spouse. When my girlfriends came over, they would sit on his lap and play with his hair. He'd get all embarrassed and giggle. He loved to dance. He had flare! I loved watching him dance with my mom and do the polka with his sister Irene. I couldn't wait to grow up and do the polka with my dad after seeing my beautiful sister Teri dance the polka with him at her wedding. She looked like a princess dancing with a king. King Arthur. Growing up, my dad would have us dance with him by standing on his shoes and dancing us around the room. When I grew up, we danced all the time together when ever we were at any function that had music, and, yes, I finally was able to do the polka with him and laughed so much! When I married Gilly in 2002 ( we lived together for 13 years before getting married) my darling father was suffering and had to walk with two canes. He had a crushed bone in his back after he was hit by the truck and suffered all those years in silence. He had told me that he wasn't going to be able to dance with me at my wedding so, the song I was going to have, I just wrote to him in a note. It was Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion).

For all those times you stood by me, For all the truth that you made me see, For all the joy you brought to my life, For all the wrong that you made right, For every dream you made come true, For all the love I found in you... I'll be forever thankful baby Daddy. You're the one who held me up, Never let me fall. You're the one who saw me through, through it all. You were my strength when I was weak. You were my voice when I couldn't speak. You were my eyes when I couldn't see. You saw the best there was in me. Lifted me up when I couldn't reach. You gave me faith 'coz you believed! I'm everything I am Because you loved me! You gave me wings and made me fly. You touched my hand I could touch the sky. I lost my faith, you gave it back to me!! You said no star was out of reach. You stood by me and I stood tall! I had your love I had it all!! I'm grateful for each day you gave me! Maybe I don't know that much, But I know this much is true~ I was blessed because I was loved by you!!!

Of course it made him cry and then on my wedding day, he decided to dance after all with me. It was to Through the Years. It was the last time he danced.

I love you so so much dad and miss you beyond words! I was blessed because I was loved by you

Losing with Betsy

I have to admit since losing weight and getting healthier, I have chosen fruits to snack on. I usually choose a grapefruit, peeled like an orange to get more of the citrus, (thank you Leah for that trick. I love grapefruits, but I don't like grapefruit juice. Same thing with most fruits for me, grapes and apples...great fruits, yucky juice.
I really love fruit, but, I am a bit picky when it comes to my apples. I really don't like the "delicious" apples. They come in red and gold and I find them mealy or mushy when I bite into them. Yuck! I like good tart apples with a crunchy crispness when you bite into them. Like the Granny Smith brand. They have always been my favorite until just the other day. Don't get me wrong, they are still so wonderful to eat, but, my daughter had me try a Pink Lady. Oh my gosh! They are so wonderful and tart but sweet and so crisp and juicy. My taste buds were so over joyed with this new apple that, I wanted the whole bag!
I am now on the look out for a tree to grow in the yard. I checked and they will grow even up here in Maine! Yay!! I know we will be getting one soon and finding the perfect spot to grow it. I think that they will be my go to apples for baking and applesauce. They would also be great to make into caramel apples. Although, I will have to find a recipe or tweak one so that I can keep on track.
Speaking of which, I lost another pound so for those of you counting, I am down 16 pounds! My sister Chrissy is down over 22 pounds. Way to go sis!!
I was very pleased with losing this week, because, I just celebrated my (gulp) 53rd birthday on the 25th. I am sure all my friends reading this are going to fall over since I have never told the truth about my age, but, I always say I am going to be 25 on the 25th! But, what the hell, I don't look my age and I sure don't act it. I am a big kid with a big heart. Oh and some added poundage too, but, it is coming off, although slowly, but, steadily.
My daughter got the dogs harnesses to make walking them easier. They love them and I walk rain or shine. Up and down our driveway. Three full trips is equal to one mile. I play my music, turn on the pedometer app and off we go. They love it as much as I do.
We walk several times a day and always at least the mile each time. In the evening they listen for Leah's car, which they hear before we even can see it. The house becomes extremely active then, Lily rushes around to find something to have in her mouth for when Leah comes in. She won't ever give it to Leah, but, she HAS to show it to her. It's a funny little ritual that has us laugh every day. And Watson, sweet Watson, he starts talking and jumping up and down. It is hard to settle him down enough to get his "clothes" on him to walk.
Its really my favorite time of the day also. My daughter and I walk, talking the whole time. Sometimes, it is just about the leaves, trees and plants we see growing, wondering what they are. Other times we speak of work and plans. My favorite is when we are laughing. I love her laugh and the way her eyes shine. She speaks in funny voices and speed walks making me laugh too hard to keep up with her!
Yeah, it is my favorite time of the day and every day we heal a little more and make new memories to hold in our hearts!

New Hampshire...Live Free or Die.

When my darling husband Gilly was alive, we lived on a very busy street. It was the main road with lines of traffic all day and night in front of our friendly little cape. I loved that little house. I lost it along with nearly everything else in my life at the time. Although I truly love the house that I rent now, it still hurts me when I drive by the house that held our memories in the floor boards and the paint and all the fixtures. I also know that houses aren't alive per say, but, that one was alive with love!
Looking back now, I know that I just couldn't heal living there. Everything reminded me of my shattered heart. I just didn't understand it at the time. I used to scream at God "Haven't we lost enough?" I felt as if everything was taken from my daughter and me, all the things that we loved ...gone! My family was still grieving from the loss of my parents that they couldn't help me with my pain. Most of my husbands family turned their backs on me which in turn made them also shut out my daughter. They said I was selfish. SELFISH??? I owned nothing. My life belonged to my husband. I loved him with every ounce of my being, I still call his cell to hear his voice.
I lost my best friend too. We had been best friends from the day I moved to NH in 1972. We had shared everything. We were inseparable. When we were in high school, I made her date my husband's brother because he was my boyfriend's bestie. The four of us did everything together except my boyfriend and I broke up and they stayed together. We were like sisters. My mom even made clothes for the three of us so we could dress alike. So, I thought it was really great when I married my husband, because now we truly were sisters.
Even as adults, we shared everything! We gained weight together, dieted together, crafted together...well you get the picture. She would tell me how our in laws left her out of things when they invited everyone else. Little shopping trips every year, Christmas card writing parties, cookie swapping, oh well, you get the picture. So, we had a kinship since I wasn't invited either.
After my husband died, things changed. The money that was collected to help bury my husband never got to me. But, I have never seen the bill either. I had no say in anything. The prayer cards, the casket, the plot. Oh, no wait, I did have say in who was to say the service. My darling friend Randy. Randy who also performed our wedding ceremony. Ironic.
I voiced my concerns to my best friend, thinking that she could help shed some light to me. I was lost and in so much pain, I truly don't remember much about the months after my heart shattered. But, she decided to tell the family things that I had said, I'm sure they were also embellished. Five days after we buried my husband and the family never had to deal with me again, my dad died. I couldn't cry for him. He was finally happy again, joining my mom. She, my best ex friend didn't even come to my dad's wake or funeral. She got what she wanted and thought she needed; Acceptance into the family. I guess I don't blame her. I know how she wanted to be a part of them. I still miss her though.
I have my sister in law Claire and her family that still loves us. A couple of my husbands nieces and nephews too that keep in contact with us and still love us. I am grateful for them.
Looking back, I see what probably made them angry with me, I just couldn't leave my husband's body. At the family wake, I couldn't leave him. I had to touch him constantly. Someday, they may understand how hard it is to lose your spouse. It is so much different than losing your parents. You have to learn how to live all over again. Losing your child has to be the worst however. I can't begin to imagine the pain nor would I want to. God bless those parents.

It's strange how the posts that I write turn out so differently than what I had planned in my mind to write. That is why I have this site, not for pity. I don't want nor do I need that.
I guess it's understanding that I want. Understanding how, in the throws of feeling so alone, a flower can still bloom and spread it's leaves to reach the warmth of the sun. I am that flower!

Oh how I wish!

First let me start off with the Losing With Betsy part of the blog. My sister Chrissy, has now lost 21.2 pounds! Yay Chrissy!! that is so awesome! Leah is down .9 this week and I am down 1 pound this week bringing my total to -15.8.


I wish so much that I could mend all the broken hearts out there, the loneliness, and the sadness that goes with it. It is a pain that I wish no one had to endure. I know I am one of the lucky ones. I had such a wonderful marriage, we truly were best friends.
My best friend came to visit me while I slept last night. Most of the time, he doesn't speak to me. But, I always feel his love for me. The most difficult thing is when I wake up and realize, it was just a dream and no matter how beautiful it was, I ache so much when I wake up. Some days are harder than others. Today is one of those days. It's almost as if I can actually feel the breaks running through my heart growing larger.

It seems as if the day outside feels my pain. The birds aren't singing so sweetly and the day is dark and drizzly. The dogs are curled up together on my bed looking up at me every once in awhile to see if I am still in the room.

Normally, this would have been the time when I would try to lose myself in food, but, I know it isn't really an empty stomach I am feeling, it is a lonely heart. I don't know how to feed that.

I am very empathetic, so, I feel your pain as well as my own and trust me, I really wish I could fix everyone that hurts. So many people lost their spouses, children, parents, friends, pets, jobs,etc... If there was just a way to fix it all, oh how I would. When I went to counselling to try and deal with my husband's death and feeling that everyone abandoned me, I was told that I couldn't carry my own sadness to stop trying to carry every one else's too.
I stopped going to her. Obviously group therapy was a big mistake since, I held on to all the sadness in the room. So, I am on my own with all of you that follow my blog. Sometimes, it will be a sad post since it helps me to get it out.

While my husband was in the hospital, waiting for a new heart, which I was certain that he would get, I wrote everything down. I refused to have anything negative near him. I couldn't bear the thought that it would reach him and he wouldn't make it through the wait. I refused to let the nurses give details to anyone that called in fear that they would have thoughts that he wasn't going to pull through.
Being empathetic is very difficult when you have a loved one needing a transplant. I used to speak with the nurses about it because, I was praying so hard for a heart to come, but, that would mean that I was praying for someone else to suffer the loss of someone that they loved. How selfish of me. But, yet I prayed and prayed and prayed. I had no doubts what so ever that my husband would survive. The doctors couldn't believe that he was still fighting some nights, but, I would go in his room and his breathing would calm and his blood pressure would regulate. The nurses and the doctors kept telling me that I was the best medicine for him.
I used to sit and hold his hands all day. I would lay my head in his lap and sleep. I would kiss his hands because I was too short to reach his lips, and then they woke him out of the induced coma. He would pucker up his lips to kiss me every time he looked at me. A male nurse there told me that he didn't know me. that the medication gave them amnesia. That broke my heart! Even today nearly five years has passed and due to my PTSD, I relive it all over and over. I KNOW that he KNEW ME!! When I asked another nurse, she was so angry at the male nurse,and told me to just look at his numbers when I am with him! Of course he knew me!
I honestly don't know if I have truly accepted that he is gone. I feel him so strongly. I swear sometimes, if I could just focus my eyes differently, maybe, just maybe I could catch a glimpse of him. His smile and those huge dimples and his beautiful blue eyes. I miss his scent, I miss everything about him except for the cigarettes. Sometimes I still wonder, why the doctors just wouldn't take my heart for him, he would have done so much better with it I think. He was a great man and I was so lucky that he picked me to be his!

Is it that I trust everyone or ...

Hmmm. Today I am pondering, is it that I trust everyone to be honest, or is it that I am too gullible for my own good? Oh, I will admit, I am extremely gullible. I believed my brother in law when he told me I needed to change the summer air out of my tires with the winter air so that the tires would grip the road better. Okay, I believed that the winter air was heavier and that it was possible. I was young. My husbands family, husband included, are a bunch of practical jokers. I, fell for their stories every time. I am not proud of it, but, it sure made playing pranks on me pretty darn easy!
My friend Norman, remember him, he was the one that I fell so in love with...well, he had joined the Air Force and became a Fire Fighter...(he is the Chief now!) He used to call me every week and we would chat for hours, of course, he also is a prankster and one night while we were talking, he said the sky was such a beautiful color down in 'bama that the moon looked green! Wow! Green!! He told me to go check and see if it was green in NH too, so, I put the phone down and ran outside to look, he was laughing so hard when I got back to the phone, I really thought that maybe the clouds or something made it look that way...ya, well. My sister still laughs about the green moon!
Earlier this week I met a man for coffee that I met online on okcupid. He had coffee, I had diet coke. I thought since I was totally honest on the site so was every one else. Let me go into further detail. We met at McDonalds and as soon as he got out of the car he tried to kiss me, I turned my head,he tried again, I turned it the other way. Ewww. Then he told me that I had a serious problem with diet coke and that if I wanted to be with him I had to give it up. Why didn't I just jump back in the car and peel out of the lot??? Nope, not me...I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. He had said he was 5'11 with a good body now that he had lost 44 pounds. WOW that is awesome! 44 pounds! Good for him. I had told him I lost almost 15 and that I was doing weight watchers. He is maybe 5'6 and 280 pounds. Strike one. Liar.
He ordered a coffee with extra creams and I ordered a diet coke. He looked at me and very loudly said "what? are you shitting me?" Um...no. I will have a diet coke please. It has 0 calories compared to how many in your extra creamed coffee?
He then went over to the condiments and pocketed a couple handfuls of Equal. Great, a bully and a klepto! Let's just add that to the liar and let's see...Oh yay! If I do my math right, that would be 3 for 3. Oooooo aren't I the lucky girl! He told me not to give up hope that I could still have him, maybe, but, he said he saw that I put NO SMOKERS. No exception!
He told me that he could quit anytime, but,I should smoke with him. Okay moron! I said um, nooo I will not! He told me it was the best weed around! EXCUSE ME??? Weed? Lord Jesus save me from this whack job! He also told me that he knew all about me. I said okay, give it a shot. Told me that I wasn't working because my husband got killed in Iraq and I was really rich from that. At this point he kept trying to hold my hands, I kept pulling them away. He told me that it has been a long time since someone has treated me nicely and he was going to do just that and we are going out on a date on saturday...Oh darn, I said...Look at the time, I have to go. I have an interview.(I did, no lie there)Oh, and as for saturday, I am busy. Sorry. Again with the trying to kiss me. Ugh! BOB! NO means NO! He gave me his email and told me to write him. Sure thing I say as he drives away and I look for the nearest trash can!
I came home and got ready for my "online" interview. I was sent an email stating that they were very impressed with my resume and that they were forwarding it up to the CEO to schedule an online interview with me. Mr Cloys Feldman. Told me to get yahoo messenger and add him to the friends list to do my interview. He sent me the details of the job.me: Wait, this is a work from home job? CF Yes yes it is. Me: How do I verify it is a legitimate job? CF How do you want to. Blah blah blah, typical questions that would be asked. Then he made a mistake, send me your complete name and address and meet me online tomorrow at 9 am.

So, I started thinking, if he had my resume in front of him,it has all that information on it. Damn! It was for 20 an hour! This time, I had a funny hunch...scam!

Needless to say, I did not meet Mr Cloys Feldman at 9am this morning and I have removed myself from the dating sites.

My words of advise, even if your as gullible as I am, always re-think if it sounds plausible, check as many resources as possible. I went to google and this site is on the web, however, the links doesn't work. Please be careful out there. I NEED all the schmoozers I can get and would't want any of you to get hurt!!